Entries Tagged as 'playlist'



Monday, February 16, 2015

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valentine’s day 2011 was the first time we heard lucy’s heartbeat.  I took her elmo and pink balloons yesterday and the cemetery was windy and cold.

the internal spectrum i have to envelop on holidays, the crystal sharpness of image and memory, is far beyond the usual and honestly i’m really fucking tired tonight even though it was a good, surprisingly fun weekend in all sorts of ways.

good and hard.

tobin’s little hands gripping measuring cups, being so careful not to spill flour and sugar as he “dumped” ingredients into the bowl for pop tart dough, shaking the container of “sparkles” over pink frosting for his valentines.

my hands looking a little blue from being cold and sending me into total terror remembering death-colored skin, totally blindsided and then sobbing the rest of a random drive to hyvee.

hanging onto the dirty-farmer hand of the man i will always love no matter what.


i did make a fairly ridiculous playlist on spotify, click here to listen.



Tuesday, November 18, 2014


walking through a place where i feel like i have very little to give, and yet i still want to be the best mommy to T, kind and compassionate to J, caring and present in my friendships, an energy-giving employee, etc.

walking the balance between these duties and desires, and the reality of grief: holding it together for a time and then, like a muscle cramp, tensing up into this excruciating mass for hours or days or weeks where i can’t be what i want to be.

like it or not, 29 finds me on a dark, wild road, nonetheless lit with sure sparks of hope and beauty. i was given a gift (someone so uniquely lovely, special and joyful) and i will honor her and let her life change me. this year will be messy, it will soothe, and then i’ll go on until it gets messy again.

here’s a playlist in honor on my 29th for when you’re in the car feeling free, or in the bath with candles…

listen on spotify

my silver lining – first aid kit

let ’em say – lizzo

you got it on – justin timberlake

girl in the war – josh ritter

glamourous – fergie

snow queen – she & him

i – kendrick lamar

everything is everything – lauryn hill

warm foothills – alt-j

party – beyonce

from eden – hozier

firework – katy perry

fall back down – LIGHTS

stay alive – jose gonzalez

goddess – banks

the story – brandi carlile

beautiful dawn – the wailing’ jennys

wish the wind would blow me – bob schneider

diamonds – rihanna

JOY – ellie goulding

the heart of life – john mayer


lucy’s playlist

Sunday, December 29, 2013


lucy’s playlist is a reflection of who she is–happy, spunky, cool without trying. we would crank this up in the car to keep her from napping before i wanted her to, play it at home over and over and over…i’ve heard it hundreds of times. hope it brings a smile to your face and sweet memories to your heart!

listen on spotify

i’m lion-o – relient k

something in the water – brooke fraser

1234 – feist

all is love – karen o and the kids

be ok – ingrid michaelson

that’s what’s up – edward sharpe & the magnetic zeroes

now is the start – a fine frenzy

which way your heart will go – mason jennings

stompa – serena ryder

boat song – jj heller

remember my name – yuna

all the pennies – mindy gledhill

brother moon – gungor

life in letters – lucy schwartz

dream – priscilla ahn

roar – katy perry