Saturday, January 2, 2016


photo via 

I think grief is like a whip cracking; at times you have very little choice in the snap of the trajectory and once you’re in its momentum you just ride it. Whether you want it to or not, it will take you to your shit-level self, to the tips of your mental and spiritual limbs. Even if you try to run away or distract, you’ll have to face the ways in which you’re doing so–hence even in the running and distracting, grief inevitably shows you, to you. That was my 2015: a year in which I traveled and ran, rebelled if I’m honest, where I think I had to let some regret and anger ride out. A year of simultaneous progression and regression, that ultimately brought me closer to myself.

It was a crazy year, but I think that it can sometimes take crazy to show the heart of things and what really needs to be dealt with. I know that I need to put my head down and humbly fix a few specific issues in 2016. To learn how to dwell in what’s possible instead of what I can’t change. Most importantly, to learn to love myself and live wholeheartedly without shame and insecurity driving my decisions. Cheers to all of the adventures and beautiful experiences that I had in 2015, and those to come in 2016. To the precious friendships that continue to carry me, to forgiving myself for the not-so-beatuiful experiences and mistakes that have been and will be.

“So you can take a trip to China or take a boat to Spain / Take a blue canoe around the world and never come back again / But traveling don’t change a thing, it only makes it worse / Unless the trip you taking is to change your cruel course / ‘Cause every town’s got a mirror / And every mirror still shows me / That I am my own ragged company” -Grace Potter